It’s ok to miss the life you led before you became a mother. In fact, it’s completely understandable.
You see, the life you led previously was familiar. It was secure, and it was safe. And you were probably really good at it too. Whether that be the work you did, the job you had, how you socialised, or the hobbies you loved. You knew what to do, you were good at it, and it gave you a sense of belonging and perhaps accomplishment.
Then you became a mother, and everything seemed to shift.
Motherhood is often a world of unknowns. Everything is new, with perhaps the greatest learning-curve you’ve ever encountered. And you’re not always good at it. There are times when you absolutely nail it… your child is fed, in clean clothes, and you’ve managed to shower and get out the door in a reasonable time! But there are times when it all falls apart, and every little thing feels like a battle. Motherhood pushes you beyond your boundaries and beyond your abilities, into a world where you need to keep giving more and more. It can be lonely too, unbelieveably so. It’s unstable and scary.
So why wouldn’t you miss what you had previously? You had familiarity, security, and safety. It’s what we all what. It’s what we all need. It’s OK to miss that. It doesn’t mean that you don’t also love being a mother to your child.
The two are VERY separate, but often co-existing feelings that can leave you feeling guilty and shameful. It’s really important to recognise these feelings within yourself and give them the attention they need. What exactly are you feeling about your life prior to children? What do you miss? What is it that is now lacking for you? Is it a need for belonging? A need of accomplishment? Once these needs have been identified it can then become a little easier to think of ways to meet them. For example, the need for belonging may be fulfilled by joining a mother’s group, or a women’s circle. Take each of your needs, and brainstorm how they can be fulfilled within your journey as a mother.
If you find that you’re having ongoing difficulties with transitioning into motherhood, identifying exactly what is going on for you, or anything you’ve read in this post today, it may be worth exploration reaching out for support from someone who can help you to unravel your thoughts and feelings. I’d love to speak with you and help you to begin to move forward into this phase of your life, fulfilled and happy.
My name is Fiona Rogerson and I am an ACA accredited Armadale womens counsellor, and Hypnobirthing (Mongan Method) Practitioner. I work with women and men to overcome emotional and psychological hurdles surrounding conception, pregnancy, postpartum, parenting and identity. I am also available to provide professional development training and workshops to various organisations. I am based south of the river in Perth and can be contacted by email at firstname.lastname@example.org or phone 0402 017 425 or via my contact page. Find me on Facebook and Instagram.